Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
