3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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