worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
