so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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