I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
