I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
