Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
