trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
