I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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