There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
