I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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