Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
