Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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