I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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