I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
