New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
