Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
