my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
