I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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