I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
