You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
