i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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