Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
