Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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