There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
