I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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