i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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