Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
