Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorry my hands just texted you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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