can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
