I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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