hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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