whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
