hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
