Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
