I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
