batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
