I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
