I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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