3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
