tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
