wat bout pragnant strippers??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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