Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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