My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
