seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
