it hurts more in the daytime
false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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