if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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