2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we're so committed to being not committed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
