we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
