I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
